Reverse discard narcissist reddit. Classic timeline of events.

Reverse discard narcissist reddit Wherever i go (except for reddit) I Get harassed by tons of angry snowflakes by using "narc abuse" and being called "ableist" they told me that narc abuse isn't real thing and that I'm just ableist and that saying narc abuse is like saying adhd abuse and that narcissism is a disability and deserves love and that narcissist people are sweet people and just because there's narcissist Yeah you are right , but certainly didn’t feel like the routine hoovering , because it was absurd telling me she is the one who doesn’t want me anymore :D despite 1 hour ago trying manipulation to get me back , that’s why I thought she either has the need in her distorted world to feel like she is the one who discards me or thinks that by using reverse psychology I would be easier to get One low key way is to wait for an occasion where someone else is the natural center of attention. So, we were still speaking, still had the ties and I wanted to know what was going on. Such a sad, hollow I guess I just don’t want to believe that a narcissist discard permanently damages me. I completely agree in that I too don’t feel it was so much a discard but rather a traumatic ending. Only that I figured it out prior to the discard, and I'm fairly sure me calling her a narcissist is what really caused the discard. Both direct and reverse hoover. I think someone else has also mentioned that they keep you there until they sure up their next supply. It’s called ‘reverse discard’. Why They look for lonely people with low self esteem and who are also high on empathy. One way to take our power back. There are so many of us that know that our ex/spouse is a narcissist, but could not get out of the relationship. and, why not, if you try to talk to a narc after the discard, he/she will show the messages and calls to “friends” and the new supply, saying that the ex is “crazy”, “can't let go of The Truth Behind Most Discards and Why a Narcissist Leaves You. 10. It's not your Recognizing the signs of a permanent discard by a narcissist is vital for individuals to begin healing. com Open. Log In / Sign Up; Covert narcissist silent towards me after the reverse discard but has communicated indirectly after they've moved on? The narcissist usually discards (in this case reverse discards) when the victim is sick or someone dies and the victim is grieving and needs attention. Eventually I had to end things. At that point, they discard out of the blue and without any closure. But every day I wake up, I can at least be thankful that no matter what minor (or perceived major) character flaws I may have, I am not a downright evil narcissist who feeds off faking love and affection with some form of ultimate goal to be had. If you can, just tell him how you feel and request a divorce. He waits until things are going really great and then ghosts out of nowhere, finally texting a non-explanation that leaves the “door open” a month later, then anywhere from 6 months to 2 years later he returns with some sob story about how things ended before. Your relationship must remain superficial or they will hurt you until you leave (reverse discard). I’ve witnessed many hoovers from both of them but here are examples of two Birthday hoovers. Reverse hoovering is a power and control thing. My NEX blocked me in December What you said about it not feeling like a discard because you were also hurt really resonated with me and wasn’t something I considered. Got out of a relationship recently with someone I think is a narcissist, but I’m not a psychologist and don’t know for sure. Then he guilt tripped me about ending things before admitting that he’d cheated on dating apps, at work and with said friend. Wow it was brutal, but so cathartic. Narcissistic friends will put you against their own peers, to isolate you and center themselves. New comments cannot be posted. just another everyday kind of discard. I like this question. Because not only does he know that it doesn’t fit his story as the “concerned but still wanting the best for himself” ex-boyfriend, but it’s also because some toxic people will completely ghost you after the discard. Discards do not need reasons. You will never have that fairytale relationship you had with the narcissist again. They willl lead you on and then ghost you or discard you again and again and again. By understanding their tactics, setting boundaries, seeking support, and Learn about the Narcissist Reverse Discard, a subtle manipulation tactic that shifts blame and allows narcissists to maintain control while avoiding responsibility. Log In / Sign Up That benefits the narcissist. 75 votes, 15 comments. Mine would always beg me to not breakup with him and say anything to keep me there after a fight. In reverse, you’ve become accustomed to that so they think that not contacting you, you’ll contact them. Hi u/Fameisdeaddd, thanks for your post!Hopefully one of our friendly r/TrueNarcissisticAbuse subscribers will comment soon! While you are waiting check out some of the resources in the sidebar. One very common behavior that occurs during the discard is To confuse you and keep you there. this confirms how insignificant you are (in their view), it proves that all the abuse is justified, as long as you come back every time. These are the situations that make me ask what it is that makes then say a particular discard is final vs. Absolutely. He never reached out to me after the initial discard. The first step is acknowledging the pain and allowing yourself to grieve. They dump you out of nowhere, ghost you, cheat on you, Accepting a narcissist’s decision to discard can elicit unexpected reactions as it challenges their control. He said they will act out and do crazy things to get you to break up with them so that they can look like the victim, and like they were the one that was abandoned, and you will look like the bad guy. Getting discarded shows how much obsessed you were with the narcissist. Just that one opportunity to ignore the narcissist, like I was ignored and trashed. You've been discarded. I couldn't take anymore of her calling me a narcissist or extremely toxic for having other friends and needs other than serving her. I’d fight for us to stay together. I’m almost hoping mine discards officially. It’s a discard but more precisely a reverse discard. Drama triangles. Anyone who got under the abuse cycle can get discarded. Share 107K subscribers in the abusiverelationships community. They blocked me, but then proceeded to follow my wife up until recently when my wife blocked her. Then suddenly during the reverse discard he wasn’t doing any of that. They wouldn’t leave you alone because of their constant need for validation. all of my healing feels ruined and the trauma bond is so strong even though he doesn’t even want to speak to me. After I called her out on the multiple discards. But often they make things so bad you have to be the one to call it. I can't endure one more cycle of the abuse. One covert, one grandiose. Again. I used to say that my ex-husband had 3 different personalities, and one of them was a broken child who needed to be rescued. what usually happens is he’ll say or do something awful and I will try going no contact but then return because of the trauma bind and he’ll throw it in my face as if I didn’t try to leave because of I don't remember when exactly it happened or how I figured it out. This pain allows you to accept culpability that doesn’t belong to you and primes you to believe the new supply is getting better treatment than you. Learn about the Have you ever been through a reverse discard with a narcissist? A typical discard is when they just throw you away. The eventual discard, while welcomed, was utterly devastating and some of Perhaps only the intimate partners (spouses and ex-spouses) of a narcissist can understand the content in this video. He felt that he "won" the discard. That’s how I got sucked back in. Its a part of the cycle of abuse because its part of the abuse. Setting boundaries helps in protecting your emotional well-being and fostering healthier relationships. Having a narcissist in your life is honestly one of the most exhausting, challenging and depressing things I have ever experienced. 12 votes, 11 comments. They always do. So the reverse discard for me took place whilst I decided to stop hanging out with mine, we had a really casual relationship but I had enough of it, low energy, masculine energy, contempt from her constant, had to get her drunk or high to have sex, no cuddling, total disrespect actually, I looked back over out WhatsApps and it was me begging for basic human needs, I reached the end It’s terrible. Posted by u/collinh0 - 16 votes and 15 comments During a discard, while you may be at your emotional lowest, they appear to move on without a care in the world, and may exhibit absolute disregard for you, whether you’ve been together for weeks or decades. Anyway - I guess he was a "covert" narcissist. She would discard. He's calling you a bully to project his bad behavior onto you. Both times I would take my leave but also more empowered to set my boundaries. Mine pulls all the stops and apologies and as soon as I take him back, the cycle of abuse is worse than before and he pushes me to a quick reverse discard. My nex gets to play the victim that I ‘sabotaged our relationship’ because I was the one to leave. Basically all the attention is going away, and they need you to get back in character and provide Supply it is about them in their minds everyone else is irrelevant, including the passing of your mom. Personally, when he discards me, he doesn’t seem to care about getting in touch with me ever again. i know it sounds pathetic because it totally is. The main thing is that you've figured them out as the narcissist. Long story short, I was with my covert narcissist ex gf for nearly 3 years. Mine always used a lot of contradictions? Eg - you need to open up more about your interests and tell me more about yourself/you talk too much about yourself, you're selfish or simply disengaging anytime I spoke about my interests. It has no real bearing on how the abuser really thinks or feels for you as in they were hurt and were reacting or something. Does this happen even if it was a reverse discard at the end? (seemed like he was baiting me into ending things). She isolated me from everyone. Yeah I didn't realise a reverse discard was a thing but now I see that it is. We have a long list of acronyms and terminology so if you are new to the world of I waited for 5 months. Now I realize that she didn’t want me to verify her story because it wasn’t all that she made it seem. A narcissist will compete for attention, usually by causing In the devaluing phase, controlling and manipulating you is fruitful to the narcissist because the "game" they're playing still feels like an even match. Trauma and Unhealed wounds. I was married to a covert narcissist for 6 years. I mean yeah people cheat and stuff and its so wrong and disrespectful etc but just like EVERYTHING he did to me, how he spoke to me, how he treated me, how hes discarded me with no genuine apology, no remorse, no empathy, no explanation like I just cant get my head What you’re describing is a Reverse discard. I've got to stay gone this time! it’s been months. A Reddit community for sharing and discussing science-based psychological material. You don't need to be as extreme, but remember, you can do it! You deserve to create the final discard. I wonder what will happen next? It’s been since October since she blocked me. There is no 'absolute' when it comes to whether someone is a Narcissist or not, as in a certain behavior that 100% defines them. I did what they call in the business a reverse discard. Reverse Discard - Where the narc will treat you badly, making you the one to leave. She began with the reverse discard. I’ve experienced two toxic narcs. Reaching the discard phase is literally just the narcissist having so much control over you after an extended period of time that now it feels like beating a kid at a video game. I’m curious what influences how quickly a narcissist might get to the devaluation and Reddit iOS Reddit Android Reddit Premium About Reddit r/NarcissisticAbuse • by ProfessionalGrade826. Every major conflict between us early on would include a discard by her. A narcissist may try to regain power or seek validation elsewhere when faced with a The reverse discard might make you think you're the one in control, but maybe it's still they who are in control. 83 votes, 73 comments. We would eventually find ourselves together again and the final discard was the show stopper. Anyone else have experience with the reverse discard? How did you handle it? Lol yes I totally did! There is a self aware narcissist on YouTube who talks about how he You're not a bully, he's only saying that because he's trying to avoid accountability and reverse the roles on you. This type of He might be trying to lure you in, or he might just be fishing for supply (assuming he is narcissistic). That is just what they do. Me leaving him makes him the victim. true. Because he has done this to me 4 times now that I see that I cannot progress in the relationship & leave it just so he doesn't actually pull the trigger because then that makes him the bad guy. With that being said, I have a similar story. When a narcissist treats you badly and makes you discard them. What I got instead after a year was jealousy provoking, gaslighting, deflecting, stonewalling, phone turned off, a reverse discard over text, guilt tripping, cheating details designed to destroy me, emails and texts without any substance, no semblance of the person I thought I was dating or any reflection of the good times, no appreciation for everything I did, discarded like trash, I saw a reel yesterday about reverse discards and it really hit home. Definitely discounted the YEARS of me trying to work on things and get her to My reverse discard two weeks ago came with liking 5 photos of a girl he had an inappropriate friendship with. They are wired so wrong. Locked post. He used reverse-discard 6 months ago, and I went No Contact and filed for Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. It could be somebody's birthday, somebody's hospitalization--good or bad. I’ve never been so changed by anything in my life. It feels impossible to heal from this. The final discard is only the final one if you decide that it is. This is a safe place to ask for advice and guidance. The way that the enmeshment unfolds is through triangular transactions within each person. I get that, but many here write things like "I got the final discard three weeks ago. Open menu Open navigation Go to Reddit Home. They want the ego hit that you'd drop anything you have going on for them. I want to believe that even though it’s painful it’s like coming out of the matrix. They are not ready to discard the current victim, until the new source of Supply is ready and reliable. Last red flag was her quickness to always discard. Yeah, I knew there are bad people out there but I never for a second thought he was one of them. i was doing better, he reached out and “apologized” (it’s on my page somewhere). Almost a sort of like a "he knows what I am so now he's public enemy #1" sort of deal. What a Narcissist is is someone who defines the world in terms of their own wants, needs and impulses to the exclusion of everything else. In the discard phase, the narcissist ends the relationship or significantly diminishes contact, often abruptly and without closure for the victim. I’m interested to see what others say. He ended up screaming at me that I was the problem - that I couldn't communicate ( he was the one who gave me week long silent treatments despite me initially pleading to talk) and that I was "making him feel like a shit person". Narcissist discard . BUT, when I pull away, or discard him, or just act like I’m losing interest in him in general, he tends to chase me and reaches out. You should communicate your needs assertively and learn to say no when necessary. it made me feel horrible. I think this could be because of their concern for “image” outranking the compulsion to discard/smear though. Who knows how long they would have continued to do so. Log In / Sign Up; Advertise on Reddit; 6 weeks post “reverse discard”, I was just diagnosed with cancer. However, the needs of a Narcissist are unique, and that's why they are hard for others to meet. Recognizing the narcissist's reverse discard is crucial in breaking free from their manipulative grip. " They see it as final (compared to other discards, presumably) and not under their control. Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my Have been through multiple discards with the same person and an uncannily similar pattern. Many of the tactics/traits im learning about are very on the nose. The difference is that you are an addict, and the narcissist is not. Classic timeline of events. A place for those who suffer from a narcissistic personality to talk about their problems and get support. The only reverse hoover here is you checking out his socials (not trying to be mean). Don’t try to understand a narcissist. The smear campaign usually is because there is new supply and they want to discard you, usually, because you caused a significant narcissistic injury, like calling them out on their 100th lie, or contradiction, or hypocrisy in front of primary supply. The point of a discard is to cause you pain. Hope she never returns. 3 failed reconciliations all brought on by hoovering, 2 discards and then final reverse discard. I blocked, no contact, and planted seeds I moved away, left my home for 2 months to protect myself from his reaperance. The narcissist is running at least 60 objects which your interior object relations architecture will begin to get involved with. Expand user menu Open settings menu. This article aims to shed light on actions that may signal an irrevocable goodbye from a I was married to a covert narcissist for 6 years. 1 – Most discards are the beginning of the triangulation phase and the narcissist isn’t really ‘done’ with you yet. In your mind, everything was going The Silent Pain of Narcissist Discard It starts quietly, often without any warning. You’d basically have to make the relationship unbearable for him to stay in. That's not specific to a Narcissist, it's specific to humans. So, yeah, narcissists will discard you if you need something. 2 years worth of wedding anniversaries in the divorce process and 3 calendar years through the process, all for a divorce / marriage that had ZERO marital assets. Or check it out in the app stores After discard, do you ever feel inferior for thinking about the narcissist so much when it seems like they have moved on and forgotten you? We’d fight. It worked for me too. That's probably the sickest I've ever been, and I was fairly close to dying. If you're here, it's because you are surviving, or have survived abuse by narcissists. I broke up with him and went NC so fast though and he did try for a while after, but never that hard. of course, this gives the narcissist control and the upper hand. That is the fact that should make you feel empowered. Narcissists and the reverse discard. But he did not discard or smear me. He has OCD and depression as well, I didn’t know about the OCD diagnosis and I randomly opened a notebook once to write something down and it had his intrusive thoughts in (about worrying he was a paedophile and worrying he was gay) and so we’d not long dealt with me getting upset about that - but within 2 days afterwards I’d followed OCD Instagram accounts Splitting also works in the reverse: you feel positively about someone and because the fact that they have defects is out of your awareness, you put them on a pedestal. The silence is deafening, and the pain? It's indescribable. It doesn't matter who initiated the discard or whatever their intention because they'll always be the victim. Where they want you gone but treat you so badly that you are the one to make the final decision - so that way they get to feel less guilt about the relationship ending, justify them moving onto a new supply quickly and also so they can play the victim. I've never thought about this, as I'm kinda new to Narcissism. Now, who would really accept a friendship like this? People pleasers So I’d say it has to be a top 10 brutal discard of all time for these people with this mental illness. (The amount of time varies from right after discard to years later. The next year and half was spent in a wave of ups and downs full of crisis, healing, mistakes, self annihilation and self love building craziness. What was it that made your narcissist finally discard you? I’ll go first: a cancer diagnosis. For anyone of any gender identity who has ever been in an abusive relationship or is I was married for 11 years before my wife’s affair with my best friend. To move on from a narcissist discard, it’s vital to establish clear boundaries and make self-care a priority. After months or years of emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and control, the narcissist suddenly decides that you are no longer of use to them. This is the reality of the narcissist discard, a brutal tactic used to exert control and inflict deep emotional wounds. It leaves you with nothing but despair and dread. Of course he gaslighted me, deflected, withdrew and more. LC - Low contact- limited contact based upon what you decide is good for you. These people are often 'reverse narcissists', meaning, they grew up with the same pressures that tend to produce narcissism, but they chose the 'better' response, and became too empathetic, instead of not empathetic enough. it didn’t make me feel better. It's just out of the blue. Still struggle with ideation and have a hard time functioning because of the depression. Everything else can vary based on their intelligence, foresight, and ability to reverse engineer and understanding of My depression is so extreme, I attempted suic*de 6 months after the reverse discard. I'm almost 6 months post-Reverse discard (which is the worse psychological type of discard), and was able to find a new job 2 weeks ago. I left and she started stalking me, she smeared me, sent threats, harassed my friends, then laid down and cried that Support sub for people dealing with Post Narcissist Stress Disorder. Advice wanted Did your Narcissist regularly create no-win, Yet, the narcissist carefully plans their discard, carefully crafts the narrative, and enlists the new supply in the battle to destroy you, leaving you reeling and hurting. Like a silent python. One day, you're close to them; the next, you're left in an emotional void. I've been healing from Narcissistic Abuse, and Complex-PTSD; however, I see that nobody talks about Financial PTSD . Narcissist Discard: Signs, Examples, & How to Cope choosingtherapy. There is always an inevitable discard, whether it comes from them or the victim And round and round the narcissist goes, rinse and repeat til the end of time With a total lack of conscience, empathy and ability to self-reflect, these people will never change- the only thing a narcissist ever changes is their supply. . 2M subscribers in the psychology community. Recovering from a narcissistic discard is a process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. This phase can occur when the narcissist feels they have sufficiently exploited the victim’s resources—emotional, financial, or social—or when they have found a new target. We know that discard, though painfully brutal, is the easiest way. ) The covert was just pure evil. It is a pathetic argument to think which way of leaving the narcissist in better. Sounds incredibly similar to my situation. Get app Get the Reddit app Log In Log in to Reddit. He used reverse-discard 6 months ago, and I went No Contact and filed for divorce. To avoid a reverse discard, it's really important to put up strong boundaries and get out of there the minute that the narcissist defies those boundaries because narcissists will defy boundaries. ENGAGE IN THERAPY. It’s a mess. I almost don’t want to believe that being discarded weakens me as a person and if there was no discard and I remained ignorant I would be better off. Usually this is a toxic, manipulative act but I don’t know your situation. My marriage to a covert narcissist lasted 6 years Get app Get the Reddit app Log In Log in to Reddit. It took me a long time and much effort to grasp my own functioning, to understand that my natural behavior played against me in the long term, and that my emotions and perceptions were lying to me all the The discard phase is one of the most painful stages in a relationship with a narcissist. Have you ever experienced a Narcissist go from lovebombing phase to discard with no devalue in between? And there isn't a clear reason for the discard, like you had an argument or some kind of conflict with them, or they feel butthurt about something. She would create drama with other people at work and force me to choose sides and stop talking to whoever she claimed was “out to get her” and then every time she would convince me to leave that job to go work somewhere else with her. The Hoover is a once in a lifetime type opportunity to send a clear message to the narcissist that we are really and truly done. Would it still have gotten to him that I cut things off so fast. Our subreddit rules can be found here - essentially be nice and supportive to one another!. How to Deal with a Narcissist Discard It’s time to take your power back! There’s no doubt about it, being on the receiving end of a narcissist discard is extremely painful. It was everything I had waited 5 years to hear after so much pain, so many discards, so much devaluation. You must believe their sarcastic remarks, when they laugh in your face. He told me he loved me more than anything, he’d do anything to fix it, he’d go to therapy and couples counseling and treat me right. I’m curious what influences how quickly a narcissist might get to the devaluation and discard stage. 9 years, covert narcissist “best friend” that I met at work and allowed to control every aspect of my life. Initial love-bombing, made me feel so damn special and loved, so much so I invited her to move into my apartment as we were spending all our time together anyway. My friend is having issues with a parent, her ex from before the narcissist, her job, finances but because absolutely everything is chaotic, she can't see that the common denominator in all of these things is that they have resulted from her relationship with the covert narcissist. It shattered my soul. In the beginning, you thought this person was great and I had a grandiose narcissist block me when I was very sick, had started a new business in my side job, and I had been laid off from a software startup. I got diagnosed with PTSD. The narcissist will let you believe that you can, and will hurt you as long as you let them hurt you. Mine projects and tries to say I’M the one who is hovering, discarding, etc. Don’t contact them. I'm 5 months post-discard (reverse discard), in the middle of the divorce. A Narcissist would leave a partner, just like most people, when they see the relationship is not going anywhere. Some use "reverse discard", so the victim carries the blame for leaving and so The Hoover is real. I would eventually bring it up but she would only use it against me and force the reverse discard from then on. Ached for it. There's really no point in doing so, since you're only retraumatizing yourself. ihmla sseg ztpic jrlkab nrgx xjm gwoayu fit luqf ltdlhaa